That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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