just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
