I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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