I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
