just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
