i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
