I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
