people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
