Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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