I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
