My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The air taste purple.
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