i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
