In the future we'll all be gay
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Green mimosas i think yes
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
