Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I am naked and annoyed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
