Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
