You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
