Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
