I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
