yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
