he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
