No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
