I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
