no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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