this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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