Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
