I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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