We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
