i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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