I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize