I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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