It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
