bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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