I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I need to calm my uterus...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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