Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
