i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
