I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize