You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You ate ashes out of my bong
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Panties = found
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
