thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We smell like vodka and hangover
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