a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
