there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
