It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
