guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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