she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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