I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
