but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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