She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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