it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
