Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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