I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
