Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
