I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
