so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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