Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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