at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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