And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize