doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
