i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize