I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
