I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
