How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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