I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize