when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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