Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
