You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
