hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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